11 Signs Your Mom Is Toxic, Based On Her Relationship With Her Mother
If it doesn't help to talk to her and reason with her, it's always OK to have less contact, if that means creating a healthier, more peaceful life for yourself. Take a look at how your grandmother treats your mom. Is she incredibly critical or condescending?
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If so, you might be getting a glimpse into how she was raised. And, it may explain why your mom treats you the same way.
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They are just sitting with the toxic sentiments themselves. Of course, it's common for toxic moms to claim they're "just trying to make you a better person," but that doesn't change the fact she's doing so in a harmful way. When you hear your mom talk on the phone to your grandmother, does the conversation sound loving, caring, and supportive? Or, what about the stories you've heard from your mom's childhood? Does it sound like she was supported and cared for way back when? If the answer is no, it may explain why your mom doesn't possess the ability to show love to you and your siblings.
So, it's always possible that, even if your mom grew up with a toxic mother, she may have chosen to swing the pendulum in the other direction, and be super wonderful to you. It is, after all, possible to break this toxic cycle by witnessing toxic behavior and choosing to live a different kind of life. If your mom grew up without getting any approval from her mom, it may be something that'll truly affect her for the rest of her life — especially if she hasn't yet been willing or able to realize it, and seek help. You might notice this in her desire to get constant approval from others, which in turn can affect you.
One way to start breaking the cycle is to bring this to her attention. If this pattern has been a part of her life since she was a child, your mom might not even realize she's doing it, so try to have compassion. As Terrany says, "The most important thing is to have compassion, and accept her.
Give what you want to receive. But that's not always true. Your mom could even be under your grandmother's influence to this very day. So take note if "your mom still does whatever her mom says even though she's an adult," Naphtali Roberts , a marriage and family therapist, tells Bustle. If your mom had a toxic mom, she may have fallen into the habit of always assuming or expecting the worst of people. This is another reason why a mom who grew up with a toxic mom may not be able to show their love.
danardono.com.or.id/libraries/2020-03-11/xebar-locate-line.php While everyone has the ability to grow up and be different from their parents, it's often a difficult dynamic to overcome. If your mom doesn't have any healthy boundaries with you, then there's a good chance she didn't have them with her mom, either. A relationship without boundaries is what's known as an enmeshed relationship , where you two don't have any separation or healthy respect for each other.
It can be a tricky situation to get out of, because toxic mom's aren't very easy to reason with, much less push away once they've gotten used to telling you what to do. But it can be helped. Seeking therapy is a great place to start, as you'll not only learn coping skills, but will be better able to see the effect your mom and grandma have had on your life.
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